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This last year has been incredibly emotional for me. I have had some of the most trying relationship situations I have ever encountered in my life. Things have been put in perspective. It’s almost as if this whole last year has been putting things in place and preparing me for what’s to come.  

As with most things, while you are in the thick of it, it’s hard to see exactly what lessons you are supposed to learn from the things you are going through. But once the dust has settled and some time has passed, most things become clear. Or at least clearer.  

I’ve noticed that by experiencing things I don’t want, I become much more keenly aware of what I do want. Does this sound familiar to you? And then sometimes, what you think you want is not even really what you want, turns out it was something that it represented. Or you liked some elements of it and the rest was actually the opposite of what you wanted or not what you thought it was going to be. Or worse, you just liked the idea of it. Once the hard work kicks in, you’re like: “um, not so much”. 
This is part of the path of finding our passion. And once we have found our broader passion we must continue to fine-tune it, and mold it into that perfect cocktail for us. Some may say that I’m just being picky. And, you know, "you can’t have it all". It may sound like I’m lazy and just quit when the hard work comes around. But I don’t think that’s true.  
I’m not afraid of hard work. I don’t think anyone who has met me would ever call me lazy. Workaholic, maybe. In fact, when I’m working in my “zone of genius” as one of my favorite authors Gay Hendricks describes it, time flies by. It hardly feels like work at all. It feels like life.  

It’s finding that particular life-cocktail that is my zone of genius that is so tricky. And then being able to spend enough time inside that zone, that is the hard part. Because, yes, bills need paying and dog needs feeding and oh yes, we gotta eat. So if my life isn’t built in a way, at least not yet, where I can spend my entire waking life in my zone of genius, I need to spend at least some of my time on these things, more likely to fall into the zone of excellence, competence or, dare I say it, incompetence. That one is the worst.  

And then sometimes, you just need something for a time. You need a certain type of break. A reprise. A minute (or three years) to breathe. And that was me. And it has been really good for me. I realized so much about myself in these last three years that I never knew, and never would have known had I not taken that step back.  

​But then what you want and need shifts again and you have to move with it. And I think this might be the biggest lesson of all. Everything changes. Especially our wants and needs. They aren’t this set thing that you can aim for and then go “once I’ve achieved that, I’m done”. Because we are never done. We must move with our ever shifting wants and needs as they grow and evolve. Some move slow, some move fast (like that top I wore every other day for 2 months and now I’m over it). But always moving, always changing. And I am moving with these changes once again.